Gosh. Well. We’ve lived through a lot of history in recent years, haven’t we?

Like so many others, I was shocked and saddened by the death of the Queen. I will say though, that I have also been a bit amused by some of the the responses from corporations and the authorities…

We may have tipped over an edge where some things have happened more out of cynicism and lemming-ism than out of respect – and some of those things have been a bit mad!

Apart from queuing, there is nothing more British than enjoying the absurd, and I think her Maj might have been a bit tickled, too.

So if you’ve been bemused by the reaction of your favourite pizzeria/fashion brand/bank, or your local barber/garage/council/, this re-write of WH Auden’s famous poem is for you.

xxx

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
Prevent all normal commerce, and surgeries postpone;  
Silence all the check-out beeps, cancel holidays
Shut the food banks down, and halt the carriageways 

Shroud charity-shop mannequins - because ‘out of respect’ 
Line dark cars on the forecourt, shut schools in circumspect
Cease the sale of condoms, end sports of any sort
Play sombre songs in taxis, and conferences abort 

Build shrines of rotting sarnies, tons of flowers and soft toys
Let TV broadcast nothing else, make this the only noise
Clad public figures all in black, and grief-wash social sites
Interview the Z-list for their Queen and King soundbites

MPs! Pause all petitions, end discussion and protest 
Affirm she was your North, South, East, and especially your West;
Distract people from their real woes, stifle mild dissent
Confuse with spectacle and ceremony, and national sentiment 

Let brands of fashion and fast-food flaunt their heartfelt grief
Project her face on buildings, and change all web motifs
Pour away corporate plans, let them do nothing that they would
Have them prove loyalty, humanity, and signal that they’re good

Now vilify indifference, understatement, quiet lament -
For a Grandma passing, and for history suddenly spent;
Never wonder if all the tributes are a bit un-warrented  
Remember, lest we all forget, it’s ‘what she would have wanted.’