It’s very difficult to know what to write on here about politics. Because politics is divisive. And everything is so hard right now that I sort of just want an easy life…

But I’m seeing over and over again arguments that now isn’t the time for politics, now isn’t the time for division, shut up and put up, BE KIND, carry on, see the bigger picture.

The trouble is that everything from the smallest pixel to the biggest panorama IS the picture. It IS politics. It’s not separate from real life, it IS real life.

What you think about schools, work, business, anti-social behaviour, parenting, health – it’s ALL POLITICS. It always has been – and now more so than ever.

If I say anything about anything, anything that matters, I’m saying something about politics.

And what I want to say today is how FAMILIAR it all is.

How the language, the binaries, the double standards of politics – even the weariness of having to deal with it – all remind me of nothing so much as an abusive relationship.

I’ll demonstrate.

When I break the rules it’s because I’ve used my superior judgement. When you do it it’s ill-advised, and irresponsible.

You’re too stupid to understand it properly. I’m following THE SCIENCE. And I speak louder. On a podium.

I never said that. You’ve misunderstood. That never happened. I never promised that. What I meant was this – isn’t that obvious?

That’s all in the past. Let’s move on.

It was a success. I did do what I said I would. You just didn’t see it.

I think what’s really important here is X, unrelated to the criticism you’re levelling at me, but somehow proving that actually you’re wrong and I’m right.

Do as I say, not what I do. Listen to who I say I am, don’t look at what I’ve done. I’m a good guy. I’m a family man.

Other people think I’m great. Look at this evidence that shows what I want it to.

Don’t look at the other stuff. It’s lies by my enemies.

You’re not being supportive. Why can’t you just support me at this difficult time? You never do.

I’m just trying my best here. This is my vulnerability: look I’m human. I’m just like you. Feel sorry for me.

You’re sorry? Good. My pain is important. Yours isn’t, let’s move on from that too. It’s about the greater good, you know.

Stop complaining and pull together. We’re a team.

Of course I trust you. But these are the rules. If you break them I’ll have to come down hard on you.

That means it’s your fault I had to do this.

I care – see I’m clapping/making an effort. No, I’m not going to give them/you more money/attention, that’s not the point. You’re never satisfied.

Look at this shiny thing over here that you wanted, aren’t I an amazing boyfriend/husband/government?

This is not the time. You’re overreacting. You’re being led astray by bad people/fake media.

This isn’t about point scoring. Why are you complaining about X when Y is happening?

We can talk about that later. Not now. Let’s focus on what’s really important.

Why can’t you just be kind?

The deja vous extends beyond the rhetoric to the response too. Because when someone just brazens it out, changes the subject, twists the facts, amends the past, deflects, passes blame – the small picture creeps in. You can’t stay angry. You doubt. You lose your thread. It gets muddled, muddied… And the kids need feeding, and the sun is shining, and the washing needs sorting, and life goes on, and they’re acting normally now, and perhaps it’s okay, and I want to be happy, and I want to go back to normal too, and everything is too hard and it’s just easier to pretend it didn’t happen, and maybe it didn’t, or maybe it wasn’t so bad, or maybe it was me, and what’s the point in fighting and frothing when you can never really win anyway?

For me, the very worst thing about all of this, if we must stray into specifics, is Dominic Cummings using the ‘exceptional circumstances’ phrase as his get out of jail free card. Wording specifically designed to help victims of domestic abuse in lockdown.

That appropriation has grated on me like nails down a chalkboard.

Domestic abuse killings have doubled in the last ten weeks. Calls to the national abuse helpline have gone up by 950%. Emotional abuse, including gaslighting and coercive control, are a part of that picture. It is part of how relationships go toxic – and all of the above are examples.

Because it is hard to define and hard to spot, it is hard enough to deal with at the best of times. It is even harder when it is being played out and echoed at a national level by the people in power. It is all about power, after all. It always is.

You can be conscious of injustice and inconsistencies but you’re infantilised, distracted, belittled, confused, shut down and shut up – or worse, riled up and pitted against someone or something else.

So I just wanted to let you know this, whatever you think of Dom, whatever you think of Boris, however you voted in Brexit:

What’s going on in the world IS politics, and it IS your business.

You are not too stupid to understand it.

Your opinion matters.

Your pain matters.

You should believe your own eyes, and ears.

Staying out of it, giving up your voice for an easy life, doesn’t actually make your life easier, in the end.

It is not selfish or divisive or unsupportive to ask questions, and demand good answers.

It is not ‘unkind’ to ask for better.

And all of that all goes DOUBLE for your personal relationships. Triple. More.

So if any of the above reminded you of what’s going on within your own four walls, there is help available to you.

It doesn’t have to be violence to be abuse.

Call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.

I hope you’re all safe and well.

xxx

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