I have been depressed, this week, by the ongoing narrative across my news feed around consent, sexual assault, and domestic abuse.
From Kavanaugh to Cosby, Sally Challen to Faye Caliman (look the last two up).
Because it is the same.
And She is not equal to He.
She does not have the same standing in the eyes of the world watching – whether it’s in a courtroom broadcasting across the world, or whether it’s down the local pub, in your own social circle.
She is worth less.
She is not believed.
And without that, She is left broken. Like a real-life Tinkerbell – She doesn’t even exist.
And that’s why She is silent…
The fact is that His story is always more believable than Hers. Every time.
It is STILL easier for people to believe that She is mad, than that He is bad. It is more comfortable that way. More palatable.
(Perhaps She even believes it too. Or She doesn’t believe herself… Because She has been conditioned not to. Possibly she has learned that silence is safer).
When it comes out, when She breaks the silence around assault or abuse, She is lying, mistaken, exaggerating, remembering things wrong.
She is over emotional, unstable. Or maybe she is detached, dissociated. Both are wrong. They are evidence against Her.
The impact of Her behaviour in speaking, on His life, His future, is more important than the impact of His behaviour on Her life. Let’s all just get over it and move on, shall we?
He gets the excuses. Five minutes of madness. Cumulative unhappiness. He was drunk. The heat of the moment. Boys will be boys. Etc.
She gets the blame. She was drunk. She was asking for it. She should have known better. She didn’t say no. She stayed. Etc.
The proof is Her burden. His innocence is His right.
Her silence is wrong. Her noise is drama. His silence is dignified. His noise is righteous.
He always seems like a decent chap, can’t imagine him doing anything like that. The benefit of the doubt, in motion: believed.
She didn’t say anything before, why now? The doubt, in action: suspected.
The imbalance is ingrained and insidious, woven deep into society and psyche.
I read a tweet that’s been doing the rounds and said something like ‘I don’t know how women aren’t razing the world to the ground this week.’
The answer is that we are far less interested in destruction or revenge than men – and society at large – seem to think we are.
We are not lying when we speak. We are not making it up for the larks. We are not out to get the innocent.
We are starting to tell Our truth.
You should stop to hear it.
You should believe it.
You should freaking CLAP – like you would for Tinkerbell.
And then you should look around you and start to SEE it, before somebody else has to end up in a dock, judged by the world.
Before somebody else ends up in prison.
Before somebody else ends up in a damn morgue.
Mumonthenetheredge 